what a long strange trip it's been as any Dead Heads would know. I
used to consider myself 'hippyish' not using that term though,but for
lack of better words.
someone who was free to be them,relaxed,roaming,spiritual,ready to
get up and go at a drop of a dime,rule breaker,trusting and dancing to
the rythym of life and the beat of my heart.
I tried to express that in every aspect of myself. Although i am told
'hippy' is a stateofmind I wore and owned nothing but bellbottoms and
shopped at vintage stores. I listened to music that moved my soul (I
cried when jerry died) and my station wagon was covered in peace signs
and stickers. I had bumperstickers announcing I was a liberal and
'cheech and chong balls' framed my car windows. I have to admit I had
been pulled over many a time by cops profiling me. In 1999 when I
heard they were having a 'woodstock' I quickly bought tickets and
caravanned up to NY living in tents for 4days. I picked up hitchhikers
and hitchhicked myself. I always got to somewhere I was meant to be.
I'm not sure exactly what started the process. Maybe it was
after I had my first daughter,when I could no longer fit into my
bellbottoms and I gave them all away. my husband was probally
thrilled,although lately he talks about them lovingly-probally only
because he misses the person that used to wear those elephants.
or maybe the legandary 'Grocery Grabber' hippie mobile dying was the
start. Or the fact that life's responsibilities multiplied and
priorities changed. It was no longer about me and Stella Blue. My
music replaced by billboard hits, my car isn't covered in stickers,
and there are no bells to my jeans. I look like a sellout a psedohippie
I still have some of the same mindset but I am tense,stressed and
definately not able to just pick up and go. I realize that my true
idenity somehow got lost or maybe just pushed somewhere
Deep inside along the way and has conformed to what our society tells
us it wants.
I keep coming back to the phrase hippie is only a state of mind, and
yes I agree but my mind is clouded by tensions and expectations of
conformity squeltching all unique ideas and 'differences'-how did I
become the sheep? My state of mind wants to become unrobotized and to
become comfortable,like when you recongize an old friend and talk like
you've never been apart.
if my true self can't be dug out It would be a disservice to my
kids. I want them to see what is deep inside me,someone who emits
happiness and energy, not worrying about the petty shit that people
end up worrying about.a person who is mellow,and emits a glowing aura.
Someone who thinks they can become anything.
Sometimes I see little sneek peeks into my old hippie ways like
when I find myself buying tye dyed shirts for the girls, or find
myself drawn to nature yearning to feel connected, or just discovering
writing again. Recently I found myself on phillyburbs going off on
this poor antidemocratic sap's political crap and I thought' wow,
there you are!' 'i know you ' slowly but surely....WALSTIB
No comments:
Post a Comment